See you next year!

I’m going to be away for a while so I wanted to wish all of you a very Happy New Year! I hope we all find the ways to make our innermost dreams come true!

Oh, and share your New Year’s resolutions, if you have them. I’m looking for inspiration!

Somebody wants a commission

At one point this afternoon, my stepmother’s cousin leaned over and asked me, “Do they (meaning my father, brother-in-law, and sister) alway treat you this badly? How do you stand all the little jabs?”

I just smiled and replied, “I have a happy place in my head and I went there about the time I walked in the door.”

My brother-in-law overheard me and said to my sister, the travel agent, “Did she book that through you?”

God, grant me the serenity

Today is Christmas at my Dad’s. We were scheduled to meet at 1 PM, which was the best time for Dad, my sister, and…well, I wasn’t asked what time was good for me, I’m expected to be the flexible one. I say “we were scheduled to meet” because, of course, today things have changed.

My sister called about 8 AM to say that she and her brood were running late and probably wouldn’t leave their home before 9. Given that they have a 5 hour drive, it is safe to assume that 1 PM isn’t going to happen. She said that she called Dad to push back the arrival time to 2 PM and just wanted to let me know.

What was that I was saying about things being predictable a couple of days ago? You can count on last minute changes and late arrivals from my sister like you can count on price mark-downs on December 26th. It’s just part of her genetic makeup.

My sister’s cause for delay? She was still working on some gifts this morning. (I’m sorry, was Christmas not on everyone’s calendar this year?) I’m not going to break any speed limits getting to Dad’s by 2 PM either, because I’m sure she has yet to realize that the van needs gas, she needs to run by the ATM, and one of the kids has misplaced his or her coat/shoes/iPod/or something.

I, on the other hand, have a full tank of gas, cash in my purse, and I packed the vehicle with gifts last night. I’ve been awake since 6:30 this morning to make sure I had time to do the few things I wanted to get done today and be able to leave the house promptly at 11 AM to make the not-quite-two-hour drive to Dad’s.

Predictable…and also part of my genetic makeup. I had as much control over turning out this way as I did in having green eyes or ending up 5′10″.

What is also predictable is the fact that of the two of us, I’ll be the one teased and mocked for this in our family. For some reason, the procrastinating, disorganized, and somewhat inconvenient behavior of my sister has always been overlooked so that instead, I can be made the butt of jokes for being reliable, organized, and yes, predictable. As if I have a choice.

I haven’t even left yet and I’m already living for the moment I get back in the car for the ride home. Predictable.

The eyes have it

One pair of eyeglasses is sitting in its case on the counter, waiting for me to take it in to the eye doctor for refitting. It seems the other night, I fell asleep while reading, and although the book I held made it safely to the nightstand, my glasses did not. They spent the night between me and the mattress, warm and cuddly, and woke up hopelessly misshapen.

I love those glasses. They are plastic and chunky and the most wonderful shade of blue/purple. They stand out on my face and shout “Hey, here I am. I’m Debra’s eyeglasses!” They are my Lisa Loeb/Tina Fey glasses — or at least that is the best comparison I can come up with. They’re sporting and daring and make me feel that way too. In fact, I feel capable of most anything wearing those glasses.

But now they are contorted and off-kilter and sit askew on my face so I sit here, with my other pair of eyeglasses on my head. They are Nicole Miller, thin, metal-framed glasses, classy and classic, simple and understated…and wouldn’t shout anything if the house was on fire. I love them too. They make me feel more elegant somehow, even while lounging around in my favorite shirt and yoga pants. They make me want to curl up under a white, crocheted afghan, read philosophy books and sip warm chamomile tea with lemon.

I suddenly find it fascinating and charming that objects can impact our sense of being. My mind ponders this notion for several moments until I find myself wondering if this is only fascinating due to the eyeglasses I’m wearing. Perhaps with my contact lenses in, I wouldn’t give this a passing thought.

And then I come to the realization that in my Lisa/Tina glasses, this post would be entertaining and clever.

I really need to get those glasses fixed.

The order of things

Things feel predictable today. I’m not sure if it is a curse of getting older or just a by-product of plotting life by a calendar, but it seems the longer I am on this earth, the fewer surprises and genuine discoveries there are. However, I am not satisfied with the status quo.

Not today.

Life should be described in words like fascinating, vivid, and moving and yet I find myself, more often than not, thinking in terms of mundane, routine, and ordinary. But how to change things? How?

I suppose some could argue that instead of a curse, the benefit of having things in a certain order is really a blessing. Being able to expect certain things and not be disappointed. Relying on past behaviors to safely assume future events. To not constantly be challenged by life’s uncertainties. I suppose some could argue those things are good. And perhaps, at times, they are good.

Not today.

I am feeling restless deep in my being. I want to be shocked. I want to be knocked on my hind quarters by something so extraordinary that it has yet to be conceived by mortal minds. I want something…different.

And so I seek. Seek the things that will shake my world, like a snowglobe, turning my world upside down for a moment and setting it upright again, even more beautiful from the falling snow. And I seek the courage to accept these things as they come, the ability to handle the upturning and upheaval with grace and dignity, and the joy of spirit to see the beauty.

And I laugh. Because even this desire for the unexpected was expected. Even my drives are predictable. This is the longing I feel every year at this time when I wish the past year was somehow more than it was and I wish the new year into being something more than I can even dream. I knew this feeling would overwhelm me.

Today.