I mentioned meeting Lenny a couple of weeks ago. I wish I could somehow introduce everyone to him because he’s just one of those fascinating people that draws you in. He’s done so much, lived so many places, he is a talented artist and gardener, and has an eclectic taste in movies, music, and books that makes you feel like you really have so much more to learn.
Lenny is young. Much younger than most of the other residents at the home. Circumstances beyond his control have left him dependent on the state for his care and you can tell in his eyes that it bothers him. But he also has a light behind his eyes and a bounce to his voice that lets you know that he isn’t going to dwell on it. His life may not be what he envisioned for himself but it is still his life and he is not about to waste a minute of it.
Lenny and I are becoming fast friends. I bet we talked over an hour this week just on movies and gardening. I’m having trouble getting Lenny out of my mind today because he just recently learned that he has a life-threatening illness and will need surgery. He was supposed to go in this week but an infection has postponed his operation for the time being. I worry that I’m worried too much about him but I don’t know how else to be.
They try to teach us at the Center how to straddle that line between professional support and emotional ties. I just don’t know how to do it with these seniors. Sometimes I am the only person in their little worlds who isn’t being paid to interact with them and it’s hard not to get emotional about that. I think a lot about karma and the Golden Rule and even more so about the Platinum Rule and I don’t know how to not care deeply about these wonderful, beautiful souls.
I love hearing their stories, learning about their pasts, and sharing the dreams they still hold for themselves. They are inspirations to me and I thank God every time I leave them that I am able to know them.
What or who are you thankful for this week?
Is it possible to give good care without caring too much?
Monday, February 11, 2008 at 6:58 am
You can’t care too much. You just have to decide if the risk is worth the reward. Because, if you care so much for every person you come into contact with, when something happens and they’re lost to you it’s going to hurt. And while you may not be able to care too much, it’s way easy to hurt too much.
Monday, February 11, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Debra, what a wonderful reflection. Thank you for sharing it. I have Google set to send me email when it finds articles that include the Golden Rule. Hence I read your blog.
I like Alissa’s comment as well. It is wonderful to care deeply for others. It also requires us to become vulnerable in ways that will almost certainly be painful at some point.
As the philosopher Garth Brooks (only a slight pun intended) said “I coulda missed the pain, but I’da had to miss the Dance.”
Better, I think, to dance even when we know our toes are going to get stepped on.
David
http://www.goldenruleradical.org