Too much

I have been writing and deleting and writing and deleting for about two hours now. I can’t seem to contain everything I’m feeling and make any sense of it. The words do not want to come but the tears…the tears flow easily.

There are happy things that make my heart light and bring a smile. Like my friend, David, who is celebrating his birthday today. He is funny, smart, and kind and would do anything in his power to help a friend. We who are in his ‘inner circle’ are blessed by that and appreciate it more than he even knows. I asked God forty years ago for a brother, and though it took us a while to find each other, my prayer was answered.

There are silly things that make me happy. Like the new bed that was delivered today, the fresh sheets that are on it, and the anticipation of a good night’s sleep. Even sillier things, like the new SmartPhone I bought last night, which will help me keep in touch with my online friends no matter where I am. I find myself leaning heavily on my online friends lately. Where I might be without them, I don’t want to speculate.

But there are also things that are almost unbearable. And these are the things that make the tears turn into choking sobs and make me want to turn into myself and shut down. Like the woman I used to work with who was killed last week. By her son. And whether or not the horrible things the media is reporting are true, the fact is, life for this woman and young man ended last week. And I cannot wrap my head around how something like that happens.

And my sweet, dear, funny friend, Lisa just learned on Monday that she has cancer. The news is so fresh that the doctors haven’t even determined what kind of cancer it is yet. And every time I think about it, I start crying all over again and a feeling of helplessness overwhelms me. But then I remember how strong she is and how many people love her and how we will all see her through this…in whatever and every way we can.

Yes, I can’t bear the sadness. But thank God for the hope.

Let’s catch up

I have things to say and yet have nothing to say. Do you ever feel like that? I feel like we need to get caught up and yet absolutely nothing of any consequence has happened which justifies a blog post. So maybe if I clear my mind of all these inconsequential things, something bigger will come along. It’s worth a shot.

• I have been chipping away at The Grapes of Wrath all month. Let me tell you, if I had read this novel first, I would never have even opened Of Mice and Men or East of Eden (both crazy wonderful books in my opinion). As I’m reading, all these thoughts are going round in my head: “For crying out loud, who did the editing on this book? Was there any editing on this book? And what substance must be in one’s bloodstream to write an entire freaking chapter about a turtle crossing the road? (Chapter 3 – only two pages long but still. A turtle? Crossing the road? This warrants a chapter?!)”

  And yes, literary types, I understand the story being told around the story and how the environment and the economy and the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl Migration are all characters in this as well as the Joads…but good golly Molly, an entire chapter about a turtle? With dogged perseverance and let’s face it, flat out stubborness, I have made it through fourteen chapters. In Chapter 10, the truck was finally loaded with the last earthly possessions and the Joads finally began their trek to California, which I’m hoping livens things up a bit. (Except poor Grandpa, who died the first day out and didn’t even rate his own chapter. Stupid turtle.)

• Only two more nights on the back-breaker mattress, so that’s a good thing. I found my memory foam pillows last night so I’m ready to be lulled into the best night’s sleep ever on Thursday. Yes, the bed is coming on Wednesday but I’m going to the chiropractor on Thursday to put everything back in place so I’m expecting Thursday to be the best night’s sleep ever experienced. That’s the game plan anyway.
• I think I’m going to not jump on the iPhone bandwagon and just get a new Blackberry. Thoughts?
• This is my new favorite commercial. (I Tweeted this so if you follow me, you may have already seen this.) And to be honest, I don’t really love the commercial or JC Penney but I love the movie and the song and the memories it brings back…hence and therefore, it’s my favorite commercial. Unless of course, a commerical with Vincent D’Onofrio comes on. VD’O trumps the ’80s (and anything else) every day of the week.
• I am a little freaked out that at the end of the week it will be August. I don’t particularly love summer so they all seem to last f-o-r-e-v-e-r to me, but this one…it’s almost over and I don’t know where I’ve been. And there is some television show that they keep advertising that is going to air on Labor Day and to even be discussing events such as Labor Day when I don’t know where the summer has gone just frightens me a little.
• I found a writing contest I may enter! (See my 100 Things page – #57) It is an essay contest with a maximum 1500 word count. Anyone could do that, right? I have no dream of winning and yet I don’t think I would even want to. I just want to enter and try and start putting some action behind the Big Dream. The hardest part is the theme: The Most Important Day of My Life. I am at a loss. Have I even had a most important day? Unless…maybe…the most important day is the day I…? Ooh, ideas are flowing now.

  What has been the most important day in your life?

(Almost) a post

I’ve been working on my 100 Things To Do Before I Die list. Again. I am having difficulty thinking of an even 100 but I do have a pretty good start. I decided it was probably time to publish it, finished or not, so that I might be more inclined to work on crossing off a few things.

You will find it up above, on it’s own page: (Almost) 100 Things.

There may not be things quite as ambitious as others might have on their lists, but most of them are worthy goals and all of them mean something to me. I have this nagging feeling that I am forgetting very important but that is the beauty of it — I can update or change the list whenever I want, it being mine and all.

So what would be, or is, on your list? Curious minds want to know…and perhaps, ‘borrow’ for their own.

Bed (s)hopping? Check.

Can you believe, I’m still sleeping crosswise on my bed? It’s been what now, over a week? But let me tell you, I wouldn’t be doing it if I weren’t getting something out of it and these have been the best nights sleep I’ve had in ages. I’m even finding that I can get by on fewer hours sleep because I’m actually getting some rest during the night. Love it!

But, all that craziness can’t last forever and so I decided this week I was going to have to make time to order a new bed. I did a little browsing on the Interwebs and found MANY mattress stores in this area. Who knew mattresses were such a hot item? I mean, most people go well over a decade before replacing one so it isn’t like there can be truckloads of people buying these things every week, right?

(It probably shouldn’t bother me so much but I do believe there are more stores selling mattresses than selling cute shoes around here…and that just isn’t right. I blame the government.)

Anyway, after surfing the ‘net and comparing important details like oh, pretty Web site designs and catchy slogans, I decided on a local store because a) it carries many different brands so I thought it would be a good one-stop shop, and like, I don’t have all day and b) the owners always seem so nice and friendly in their TV commercials. (Apparently I learned nothing in my marketing classes.)

All well and good, right? But then I went back and read some of the reviews offered by their customers. Half the people thought shopping at this store was equivalent to a trip to heaven, complete with angelic music and banana splits, and the other half would rather have their toenails ripped off and walk through salt water than ever have to go back there again. Yeah, no middle ground. They might as well rename the store “The Crap Shoot”.

So back to the Interwebs I went and after much careful consideration of things like delivery policies and mattress selection information and whether or not the store would haul away my old mattress and box springs for free…I decided. And what I decided was to ask my friend Denise because she and her man always look well rested so where the heck did they get their mattress?

She told me and that’s where I went and I must say, it was a very pleasant experience. The woman who waited on me was extremely knowledgeable about mattresses in general and her display room in particular and answered all my questions without ever once rolling her eyes or huffing. She helped me narrow my selection down to three (after literally bed hopping my way around the entire showroom) and never once tried to steer me towards the more expensive of the lot. In fact, she suggested I not even look at the prices until I chose a mattress I was comfortable on because she said I should try to focus on the feel and not bias myself one way or the other. That seemed to make sense.

So my choices were between a traditional pillow top (which is what I have now) and two different memory foam mattresses. I loved the pillow top, even after trying the first of the memory foams…but then I tried the second memory foam and Oh. My. Gosh! I could have slept right there in the showroom. I laid on the second memory foam and then the pillow top and then back on the memory foam just to make sure…but the memory foam was definitely the winner. I thought that the pillow top was a comfy bed until I tried the other. Then it was the difference between sleeping on a billowy cloud and sleeping on a gravel road. Much difference. MUCH.

Yada, yada, yada….my bed will be delivered next Wednesday. Woo-hoo!

Does self-defense count?

Buddhism and “harm no living thing” aside, I killed a spider in my bathroom Tuesday morning. I didn’t want to. I didn’t plan to. But that sucker was CRAZY! I was sitting…well, where people sit while in the bathroom and out of the corner of my eye, this nickel-sized black blip scurried by me on my right and proceeded to zip from one side to the other, in front of me on the floor. No worries, I thought. I would just contain it and carry it outside.

I didn’t realize I was dealing with the Devil himself.

When I came closer, it made a mad dash for my toes…like they were a carnival ride and it was a kid hopped up on cotton candy and Sno Cones. I backed away; it lunged. I stomped to scare it; it lunged again. It was the freakiest thing I have ever seen. I’m not sure but it is very possible the thing was foaming at the mouth. (Where is the mouth on a spider?) You would think a moving 5′10″ thing would scare a little 1/2″ thing but I suppose that theory is nulled when the 1/2″ thing is possessed by Satan*.

In other words, there was no containing this little monster.

I contemplated letting him go but I just couldn’t. My closet is just four feet from the bathroom and this little demon looked the type to lurk in the dark recesses of a favorite pair of shoes and…uggh! I can’t even bear to think about it. Besides, my bed is just another ten feet beyond that and since the little fiend had no qualms about attacking me while I was standing, I sure wasn’t going to take the chance of nodding off around him.

So I threw a large wad of toilet paper over him and whacked him repeatedly with a large plastic bottle of body lotion. And then threw him in the toilet. And flushed. Twice.

And God help me, it felt good.

* The first time proofreading** this, I found that I spelled this word Satin. Which would mean the spider was possessed by a skanky stripper…also very scary.

** I’m one of those sneaky proofreaders…you know, the kind that leave no evidence that any proofreading has occurred. All those errors you find are purely intentional. Yeah, that’s it.