The stuff cycle

When I do not feel good (read: depressed, lonely, apprehensive, or generally out of sorts), I tend to do two things: I analyze the situation until even I am sick of it and I buy things. Now, before you start, let’s get one thing straight. I do not go crazy and buy out entire department stores. In fact, I loathe shopping in all but its online form, so what I usually buy are my comfort items…books, art, shoes, more books…those kinds of things. I have discretionary funds even after savings, charity donations and funding my retirement each month, so I feel that if a new book will allay some personal suffering, then a new book I shall have.

And this works. For a while. Until I realize that the root cause for the not feeling good didn’t go away, it was just temporarily hidden under a couple of boxes from Amazon.

And then I start the analysis over again and although I never really understand the ‘how’, I do start to feel better. My mood lightens and the world looks brighter and I feel stronger.

That is when my retail therapy stops working and I have an overwhelming need to declutter. Which, if you were in my home, you would probably say, what clutter? Because I am not much of a ’stuff’ person. Even so, I find myself cleaning out closets, cabinets, dressers and the garage about three times a year. I mean, major overhauls. Anything that hasn’t been used in the past few months is gone. There are boxes and bags and bins of items that are carted off to friends’ garage sales, the shelter, Goodwill or the curb. The only items left in the house serve an essential functional or aesthetic purpose.

So that is the world I live in; the stuff cycle. I can gauge my mood and response to the world based on whether boxes are entering or leaving my home. It isn’t science but it certainly is accurate. This weekend? This is an elimination weekend. Everything not deemed worthy will find itself elsewhere by the end of the week.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m feeling better. My closets tell me so.

Can I let go?

David and his lovely wife are pulling the plug. Literally. They are canceling their satellite and DVR and going TV-free. They decided this week and are stopping service next week. Just riiippp — like pulling off a band-aid.

I have to admit, I’m a bit jealous. I have thought about doing the same for quite a while now. My cable bill is pretty ridiculous and while money wouldn’t be the driving factor in my decision, when I consider how much time I actually spend watching television and figure out how much I’m paying an hour…well, let’s just say, gas prices don’t look so out of line.

But then I start to waffle. Can I really live without TV? Isn’t TV the single person’s friend? TV is who we eat dinner with most nights. It is our companion when we can’t sleep. It may be the only ‘voice’ we hear on a particularly lonely weekend.

Do I really want to end what has been one of the most satisfying relationships in my life?

David mentioned that while he’s a little nervous about how they might feel down the road, he is anticipating a sense of freedom when the little black box goes dark. I can imagine that too. Whether we intend to or not, we have probably all found ourselves rushing home to catch the beginning of the news or wrapping up a telephone call because a movie was starting or feeling a little depressed when a favorite episode failed to record. Imagine a life where those things didn’t matter. Pretty cool, right? Rather like putting your schedule back under your control. Who wouldn’t love that?

But (and here is where I start to waffle again)…what about my Vincent D’Onofrio? Do you know how many hours of his face are available to me a week with cable? About eleventy hundred. And I don’t even watch his show that often (maybe twice a week unless I happen to catch a marathon) but just knowing that he is there, in that little box, waiting for me to just tune in… I really have come to depend on that.

Oh lordy, I feel a Pro/Con List coming on, don’t you? Let’s do this together, shall we? I’m sure you’ll think of something I’ve missed.

PROS Can apply the cable money to savings or charity or just send it directly to Sephora! More apt to spend time reading, exercising, socializing Could upgrade my Blockbuster Online subscription: I would only be paying for things I actually want to watch and still pay less overall No fleeting glimpses of Bill O’Reilly while flipping through channels (that should count as two pros) Anything newsworthy will end up on You Tube If I have a dire need to see Duff Goldman, Denise and The Boy will let me come over and watch Ace of Cakes with them

CONS No Vincent D’Onofrio on demand Watching TV series on DVD months after the fact, rather than ‘real time’ No late-night TV movies No Academy Awards

Okay, my Cons aren’t looking so con-ey. What would you add to the list? Could you do away with the television in your home? Or maybe you have. What was your experience?

And please, I really don’t care to know how you’re better than me because you’ve never been addicted to television and that my life is pedestrian and mundane. Tell me something I don’t know.

Two down, one to go

Dudes – I am so freakin’ tired. This working before class, then class, then working after class, then homework, then fitful sleep thinking about work and class and What Am I Forgetting To Do?! has me beat. Thank goodness there’s only one more day and then I can get back to the ‘normal crazy’.

I have a few stories I want to tell about class but honestly, I don’t have an ounce of brain cells left tonight. Oh, but the big news today? We were given the SAME menu options as yesterday. So yeah, another salad without the chicken…or as I like to call it, lettuce. AND, they ran out of cookies and there were no pretzels. So basically, I am living on lettuce and bottled water.

It’s no wonder I’m tired.

An update to say I don’t have time to update…huh?

Oh my stars, people! There is homework with this training! As in, ‘I had to bring home two books and have at least a couple hours of work to do’ homework. In fact, I should be working on it. Right. Now.

And in case we have forgotten, I have my day job to do. Tonight. And two hours of weekly reports to run on top of that.

I repeat: Oh my stars!

But although I am a little freaked out by the amount of hours I still have in front of me on the ol’ work laptop, I am loving the class. We have people from four different cities in Illinois and from three different countries around the world. I. LOVE. THAT. PART.

The lunch menu was a little disconcerting because there were absolutely NO vegetarian entrees listed. (We were given a list of six or seven options and were allowed to choose one. Thank goodness I haven’t gone the strict vegan route or I would have had to eat a table leg or something.) It took some discussion and drawing of pictures (a chicken with an X through it) to get my point across but I was finally given the salad sans grilled chicken so it turned out fine. Hopefully, the kitchen staff is now aware of the vegetarian sub-culture and perhaps we will see at least ONE option on the menu tomorrow that will suffice.

Other than that, we had cookies and pretzels for treats this afternoon so yay! for free food and getting paid besides!

And now, I should say farewell. I think there was something else I needed to do tonight. Now, what was that?

Aaaagh! (I remembered.)

Be thinking of me

Today is the first of a three-day training course I’m taking. Hopefully this will be the springboard to launch me to that next step in my career — in another division. Or not. Only time will tell. At least it is a subject I enjoy and I should meet some great people from around the company. The only drawback is that I have to work during classroom breaks and in the evenings to keep up with my day job but you know what? I kinda love the challenge.

Although I’m excited about the training subject, I have a few concerns about the method of training itself. On the packet of information I received, it said that breakfast, lunch, snacks, and drinks would all be provided for us. On the surface, you probably immediately think Woo Hoo!, right? But mull that over for a minute…

Yeah, they don’t want us to leave. EVER. In your run-of-the-mill training courses, you are pointed to the vending machines and given 45 minutes around lunchtime to fend for yourself. This one? I have the mental picture of arriving and a large vault-like door slamming shut behind me. Little scary!

So I guess I’m saying, things might be a little light around here this week. But maybe between work and training and being force fed and begging for bathroom privileges, I might need to tell you about it. Or not. Only time will tell.