Yesterday was my first day back in the office since before Thanksgiving. And was I in for a surprise. Our office has started playing Christmas music. All day, every day. Through the entire month of December.
Shoot me now.
Our floor of the building has two offices on it. (Think Dunder Mifflin and Vance Refrigeration.*) However, in our case, we all work for the same company. We are just different business units and do not work together. We share a common break room in the back and the bathrooms up front and that’s it. Well, except for the intercom system. Whatever comes streaming through it, is heard on both sides of the floor.
And the freaking elves across the hall have the controls on their side.
I wasn’t in the office twenty minutes when I waged battle. It wasn’t long before the lead elf came over to discuss matters with me. I asked her to change the station. “Oh, I don’t think we can.” (BS, lady! Last summer when someone inadvertently changed the station to the local classic rock station and Clapton’s Cocaine came blaring through the speakers, you changed it fast enough. She doesn’t remember that.)
So I asked if she could at least turn it down. “Oh, but it’s already too low in our office. We wouldn’t be able to hear it at all.” (I’m sorry – what’s the problem there? Oh! You like Karen Carpenter crooning to you while you’re working? Pardon me.)
The elf left and I fumed. Luckily, I have my iPod to drown out the worst of it but that’s not my real concern. Everyone around me has started growing hostile. I’m afraid for my life. Any moment, I expect one of them to ‘go postal’ and come in wielding a loaded candy cane and let us all have it. Mark my words.
I then did what I always do in situations like these. I looked for allies. I IM’d my friend M who works in the building across the street.
Me: What is coming through your intercom system these days?
M: Just white noise. Why?
Me: We have Christmas music. All day long. Every day til January.
M: Lucky! I was just going to tune my desk radio to the local station that is playing Christmas music.
Me: What? Have you no sense?
M: What? Have you no Christmas spirit?
Me: I can’t talk to you any longer. I may not even be able to be your friend.
M: Right back at ya!
Me: Have a good one, Mrs. Claus
M: You too, Ebenezer
Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy Christmas music. For about twenty minutes a year and then only when doing something holiday-related. Like decorating the tree or wrapping gifts. And I like a little music while unwrapping gifts. But other than that, you can keep all that cheesy, grating, annoying Pa Rum Pum Pum’ing to yourselves.
Am I alone here? Are you fanatics about Christmas music? Or like me, only want to hear it when the time is right?
*A shameless reference to The Office, which we all know I have fallen in love with this year.
