Three

Today marks the third anniversary of Reflecting. I have to be honest, some days it feels like a lot longer, but usually that is because I can barely remember a time before the friendships I have made here.

Thank you for visiting, for reading, and commenting. Your support and encouragement and commiseration have been invaluable. WIthout you, Reflecting would not have become such an important part of me.

Please, have a piece of cake. You have earned it!

And this allows me to cross off #64 from my 100 Things list: “Keep the same blog for at least three years.”

Gone!

Yesterday I awoke to find this blog had been deactivated. There was no explanation, just a canned message on my dashboard stating that the blog had been suspended because I may have done something to violate the terms of my agreement with WordPress. There was a link to click if I wanted to dispute it and it promised that someone would respond to me as soon as possible. So, I clicked the link, briefly stated that I was perplexed as to what had happened and asked for my blog to be reactivated.

And just then, it was. What a rush of relief to see that familiar page load after seeing nothing there but an ugly banner telling the world that my blog had been removed.

And then, the blog was gone again.

Oh, the angst. I clicked the link again to plead my case once more, to tell whoever was holding my blog hostage that I had not, to my knowledge, done anything to violate the terms and conditions set forth by WordPress, so please set it free!

And just then, I received a very nice email from Alex at WordPress:

Hi,

Sorry about that – your blog was caught by mistake. It’s back now and it won’t happen again.

Kind regards,
Alex

I was so relieved to know that it was all a mistake and according to Alex (who has no reason to lie to me) it will not happen again. But I have to be honest, for the briefest of moments, when I saw the account was suspended I did do a mental happy dance and think, “I won’t have to blog any more! That burden is lifted! Hooray!” But then it sunk in. My blog was gone. All those memories of good and bad, happy and sad times were gone. I would no longer have that connection to the friends who visit here. I would no longer have this public creative outlet to question and comment and ponder introspectively.

And I was overwhelmingly sad. Which made me realize that no matter how often I blog or to what degree I blog, it is important to me. Thank you, WordPress and Alex, for reminding me of that.

Will you post something?

“Please post something,” my friend said. “I miss it.”

Please post something. About what should I post? Should I post about … no, someone could be hurt. Should I post about … no, common decency does not allow it. Should I post about … no, that is not my story to tell.

About what should I post? Stories that belong to me, that are mine alone, mine to offer, do not exist right now.

“Soon,” I tell my friend. “Soon, I will have something to post.”

I have lost my way

I started blogging back in 2006 on LiveJournal because I enjoy writing and it was a good way to share pieces of my day with friends. The blog was public but I knew the only ones reading were the handful of friends with whom I had shared the URL. The writing was more of a storytelling nature and felt intimate. A few of those posts were some of my favorite pieces of writing ever. The connections and comments on that blog were strong and real.

Then, I began to see new readers leaving comments and we started communicating between our blogs and in email. They became as important to me as my ‘real’ friends. And when I moved here to Reflecting on WordPress, everyone from LJ, as well as some lovely new friends came with me. The relationships grew stronger and the writing with it. Everything I came across in a day was potential blog fodder. I would jot down notes and reminders on anything handy because the post ideas came seemingly out of thin air. It was the most fun I have had writing.

Now, there are days when I feel like a stranger on my own blog. I have lost some online friends along the way, comments are down, and the writing is sparse. The connection has been lost. I like to joke that Twitter ate my blog post but am I really that far off? Twitter and Facebook get my immediate attention and the people who ‘follow’ me there are more likely to know what I am going through than this blog is. My time tends to be spent there, where interaction is more immediate, because I still crave that connection.

I worry that this blog is going to die of neglect but at the same time, I don’t know what to share here anymore. I can go on writing the occasional book review and recipe post with a handful of ‘what am I going to do with my life’ posts thrown in for good measure…oh wait, no I can’t. I’m over the angst-filled days and sleepless nights. So what is left?

Inspiration is out there, I know it. I am just struggling to find what it is that will light the fire in my writing and make this the place it used to be. Or better. I want this to be a place that readers find amusing, enlightening, and affirmative. I want to improve my skills, hone my style, and find joy in pursuing a passion.

But above all, I just want to stop feeling like a stranger here.

Violence UnSilenced

If you have been reading here for any length of time, you know how strongly I feel about supporting the survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. Maggie, a lovely person I met through blogging, has the same passion. She created a web site for people who know this kind of pain and has given them a safe place to share their stories and receive support from readers like you.

The web site is called Violence UnSilenced. It is raw, emotional, gripping, and devastating. And just about the best thing on the Internet today.

I encourage you to go read the posts. Comment, if you are moved to do so. Pray, if that is your thing. Hold these people in your hearts, if nothing else. It is difficult reading, that is certain, but it is important reading. It is critical that we do not continue to bury our heads and pretend that these types of things do not happen. Silence is the power of the perpetrators.

I am not the only one who thinks this is an amazing web site. Violence UnSilenced is up for a Most Inspiring Blog 2009 Blogluxe award. Go to the site. Read some of the posts. If you are inspired, as I am, please vote for Violence UnSilenced.

Here are the directions for voting:

1. Go to http://www.socialluxelounge.com/blogluxe/. (Or click on the blue box in the sidebar of the Violence UnSilenced web site.)
2. Click on the tab that says “Most Inspiring Blog.” (It’s the light blue tab.)
3. Search for “Violence UnSilenced.” (There are several blogs in this category so you may have to scroll down quite a bit. And isn’t it wonderful that there are so many!)
4. Click “VOTE!” and type in your name and email address in the box that appears.
5. After you’ve entered your information, click the button that says “Vote!”

You can vote up to once a day until July 6th. It only takes a few seconds of your time each day, so keep voting and show your support. And please, if another blog is your pick for Most Inspirational, that’s great. Vote your heart. As Maggie said, the important thing is to bring awareness to Violence UnSilenced. So I hope regardless of your allegiance, that you read the site and support the people who are finding a voice there.

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You can also join the Violence UnSilenced group on Facebook. And read Maggie’s personal blog here. As I said once on Twitter, the writer in me wants to grow up to be Maggie. She truly has a gift.