Needing less, wanting more

I have become addicted to watching other people find a home. I know, right? Of all the addictions to have, I would come up with the most lame one. I doubt there will ever be a need to create a 12-step program for my problems.

Almost every evening, I spend at least an hour watching episodes of House Hunters, House Hunters International (my favorite), Property Virgins, My First Place, and similar shows on HGTV. (Aha! That is where my blog-writing time is going. Busted!) I am finding the whole process fascinating, from how much homes cost in different parts of the world, to what amenities are standard across countries, to what people have on their ‘must have’ lists. And everybody has a ‘must have’ list, let me tell you.

What never ceases to amaze me, while watching these shows, is how Americans really do seem to require much more space than people in other countries. If an American couple is looking for a home, you know they are looking for one with at least one or two more bedrooms than the number of people in their family, usually a three car garage regardless of the number of vehicles they own, and a master bedroom closet large enough to house a couple of baby elephants, if need be. Let’s not even start on how much kitchen storage they deem necessary or how many bathrooms are needed for a family of four. It is amazing how much r—o—o—m we think is enough. And it is never enough.

Contrast that with couples in Europe or the Caribbean or Central America (and I’m sure other places as well, but these are the areas I see showcased most often) and the requirements completely change. Nobody from those regions expects a house with a lot of square footage, nor do they seem to require it. If a house has two bedrooms for their family of four, they are happy. If it comes with a decent sized bathroom, too? Wonderful. Two bathrooms? Oh my, the joy! The kitchens are tiny by US standards, storage space is minimal and some bedrooms have only small wardrobes, no walk-in closets here.

This is where my analytical nature and psychology education team up with my lack of sleep to create sweeping generalizations and oversimplifications in cultural differences. Or, in other words, I start making stuff up because my brain needs a hobby.

The brilliant insight I came up with the other night was that the non-US people seemed to view the home as something different than did the US people. They did not select a home based on how much stuff they could put in it, but rather, how it would enhance their lives. The Americans generally chose homes based on square footage, school districts, and proximity to work. The non-US people were more likely to choose a home based on its proximity to the sea or mountains. They wanted outdoor space, beautiful views and the ability to commune with nature. If it was also close to their work and family and nightlife, and eased their ability to commute and socialize, so much the better. The home was not seen as something to fill with things, but more as a means to bring tranquility or joy into their lives.

Of course, I have no scientific basis for any of this. Some couples in Europe do want four bedrooms, two and a half baths, a decent sized garden and a lot of storage. There are many American families who want the lakeside cottage or the home close to their family. I am not implying that the desire for more space is bad and being satisfied with 500 square feet for six people is commendable. I am just saying, based on the episodes I have watched of produced-in-America television, there seems to be different expectations of a home and its purpose across cultures. There is also an incredible difference in the amount of stuff we accumulate and feel necessary for living here in the US. Things must give us a sense of security or community that we are lacking in our daily lives or something. I will have to have a few more nights of little sleep to ponder that theory.

I find myself wanting the lifestyle that comes from that non-US mindset. I want to look out my window and see gorgeous panoramas, breathtaking sunrises, glistening water, or amazing wildlife. I am ready to pare down all my belongings to essential clothing, a few pots, pans and utensils, and my books and live in a space that just accommodates them. I want my home to be more about sharing it with someone special than storing things. I am incredibly ready to move, and move on. I think I am soon to become a House Hunter.

Memorial Day

Remember and honor those who serve our country, past and present.

In these times

When this whole economic downturn started, I took some cost-cutting measures. The first thing I eliminated was the cleaning person who came in every other week. Now, you may recall, that I got rid of her for reasons other than the economy but since I didn’t replace her like I had planned to, I consider that my first expense cut.

After that, I canceled my gym membership, downgraded my cable service, canceled my one magazine subscription, limited the number of times I can eat out to two times per month (and I haven’t even been doing that), lowered the temp on my automatic thermostat, and started watching the sales, buying store brands instead of name brands, and cutting coupons.

I haven’t bought books or music since 2008. Egads!

I didn’t have much more than that to cut. I go to about two movies a year (if that), rarely dine out, and don’t spend a lot of money shopping (well, other than the couple of times a year I hit Sephora pretty hard but I have to have ONE vice), and have always spent well within my means to begin with.

But I’m still being careful. Denise and I had wanted to take Girls Weekend 2009 to New York City this fall. We really want to go and last year, probably would have spent the money without thinking too much about it. But this year? We are tentative. We are willing to hold off a year, or even two, if it means we’ll feel more secure and be able to enjoy ourselves more.

As a result of all the cutting back and planning, I have been able to sock away quite a bit extra in my savings account. Given these times, and the cutbacks our company has had to make, this seemed like the prudent thing to do. I feel a little more secure in my job today than I did even a month ago, but none of us knows what may be around the corner. There could be additional cuts around the company and I could be out of a job just like the thousands who have gone before me.

These are scary, uncertain times.

If my job were eliminated, I still have some cutting I could do. I am perfectly willing to get rid of cable altogether. I could get rid of my land line. I have things I could sell. I would be fine for quite a while. (I repeat this to myself over and over so that one day I will believe it.)

The other day I was thinking about what I would add back when things start to improve. Would I jump right back in with both feet and spend like the rainy days aren’t going to return? Probably not. I haven’t felt any pain from the cutbacks I’ve made and I feel even better knowing that I have eliminated some waste, along with expense, in some of the changes. I like the additional percentage of savings I have been able to put away. I wouldn’t want to change those things.

However, I do think I would spend discretionary funds on travel more than I have. There are only so many days on this earth and I should see more of it.

What are some of the things you’ve had to cut back on? What is the first thing you’re looking forward to when things start to improve?

A door doesn’t close on you if you are meant to walk through it

Last summer, a friend and co-worker of mine got transferred to a new job in another division of our company. The new job required her to move to another state, to live and work in a city I have always wanted to move to. Shortly after moving, she bought a cool downtown loft and lived within walking distance of all sorts of cultural hot spots. In short, she was living the life I always thought I might.

Me? I was left behind and asked to assume the majority of her responsibilities. I have to admit, even though I was happy for her, I was jealous too. I think I asked more than once, “Why couldn’t that have been me?”

Four months later, her job was eliminated and she is now unemployed.
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If you’ve been reading here for a while, you may remember that twice last year my management attempted to find someone to learn my job. One goal was to give me some backup so I could take some extended time off. The ultimate goal, though, was to have someone else learn my job so that I could be transferred to a position in another department.

You might also remember that both attempts were unsuccessful. Due to timing, economic conditions, etc., the “second me” did not happen last year. I took these setbacks in stride but I was disappointed.

This year, many people in the department I would have been moved to have been laid off. Their employment futures are uncertain.
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I have always been a big believer that things happen for a reason. We may not always understand it at the time and sometimes we may not like it but things do happen as they should. That isn’t to say that every day is going to be a good one. Nobody is promised an easy road. But things are going to work out as they are supposed to.

I bring this up because I think sometimes we (I) just need to be reminded. Opportunities may appear to be taken away but they are actually just leaving you open to other, more fulfilling ones. Don’t spend too much time grieving what is lost or you may miss what it is you are about to gain.

To my friends:

However you choose to celebrate the passing of time and new beginnings,

I wish you joy!